I CAN BE FAT & HAPPY, RIGHT?!?!?
Let me stop right here and explain why I use the word Fat in my blogs. This word triggers all sorts of feelings for me. It brings back memories and not all of them are warm and fuzzy. I use the word because it is how I defined myself at different weight points in my life. I thought I was fat when I was 60 pounds, I was fat at 130 pounds, I was fat at 289 pounds (although doctors considered me morbidly obese), and to be quite truthful, I feel fat today. I consider fat a state of mind. How can one person be fat at all of these different weights. Truly it isn’t possible. So when I use the term fat I am not only speaking of my weight, but my state of mind. After climbing to 289 pounds and then dropping 140+ pounds do you think I should have considered myself fat when I pulled on a size 4 pair of slacks? NOPE! But I did (at least that’s what I told myself).
I have had a love-hate relationship with my weight for a very long time. I am happy that I can look back at my journey over the years and see how far I have come. I only have a “love me” relationship now because I choose to love myself at any weight. It is truly mind-over-fat. There I go again! But remember, it is a state of mind. So, it’s mind-over-mind for me.
It has taken me years to understand that the battle with my weight is won in my mind. Now, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t “think” myself thin. On the contrary, I made a “decision” to have Gastric Bypass Surgery on February 3, 2003. That was my “rebirth” date. On that operating table, I was given a tool that was as mighty as having a hammer to construct a house. It was with that decision that I began to understand that fat was a state of mind. The above picture depicts how I can see myself when I look into the mirror if I am not aware of my thinking and if I don’t ask myself if it is true for me today. I won’t discuss the image of the man… that would require an entirely different post *smile*
Losing the weight revealed more than I had anticipated when I set out on my weight-loss journey. I realized that I could no longer hide behind the curves. I had to begin the process of finding out how I had come to that place before discovering how not to return. Almost with each pound lost came the reality that I had some major work to do outside of the gym. It has been almost 8 years since my rebirth and I have managed to keep off roughly 110 pounds of the 145 pounds that I lost. Not bad, I tell myself some days. On other days…….