I Just Had To Open My BIG FAT Blog! #2


Let me stop right here and explain why I use the word Fat in my blogs.  This word triggers all sorts of feelings for me.  It brings back memories and not all of them are warm and fuzzy.  I use the word because it is how I defined myself  at different weight points  in my life.  I thought I was fat when I was 60 pounds, I was fat at 130 pounds, I was fat at 289 pounds (although doctors considered me morbidly obese), and to be quite truthful, I feel fat today.  I consider fat a state of mind.  How can one person be fat at all of these different weights.  Truly it isn’t possible.  So when I use the term fat I am not only speaking of my weight, but my state of mind.  After climbing to 289 pounds and then dropping 140+ pounds do you think I should have considered myself fat when I pulled on a size 4 pair of slacks?  NOPE!  But I did (at least that’s what I told myself). 

I have had a love-hate relationship with my weight for a very long time.  I am happy that I can look back at my journey over the years and see how far I have come.  I only have a “love me” relationship now because I choose to love myself at any weight.  It is truly mind-over-fat.  There I go again!  But remember, it is a state of mind.  So, it’s mind-over-mind for me. 

It has taken me years to understand that the battle with my weight is won in my mind.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I didn’t “think” myself thin.  On the contrary, I made a “decision” to have Gastric Bypass Surgery on February 3, 2003.  That was my “rebirth” date.  On that operating table, I was given a tool that was as mighty as having a hammer to construct a house.  It was with that decision that I began to understand that fat was a state of mind.   The above picture depicts how I can see myself when I look into the mirror if I am not aware of my thinking and if I don’t ask myself if it is true for me today.  I won’t discuss the image of the man… that would require an entirely different post *smile*

Losing the weight revealed more than I had anticipated when I set out on my weight-loss journey.  I realized that I could no longer hide behind the curves.  I had to begin the process of finding out how I had come to that place before discovering how not to return.  Almost with each pound lost came the reality that I had some major work to do outside of the gym.  It has been almost 8 years since my rebirth and I have managed to keep off roughly 110 pounds of the 145 pounds that I lost.  Not bad, I tell myself some days.  On other days…….


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