I fell and bruised my knee. Well, not literally. Allow me to explain. I stepped out of my comfort zone in January and decided to venture out into the dating scene. One of my colleagues coached me through my limiting beliefs about dating, and I found myself open to the idea. I was nervous and excited, but decided that I was going to play full out.
My first lesson was to do the choosing and not merely be chosen. This statement reminds me of a time about 10 years ago when I was very overweight. I had just began to date this guy. We had planned to hang out one Saturday, but had not decided on a specific time to meet up. Being an early riser, I prepared to have my errands completed in order to be free to enjoy the day with him. By midday, I hadn’t heard from him so I called to check-in to make sure we were still on schedule — voicemail. Okay, no problem… I’ll leave a message. I used the 4 hours that had passed to rehearse what I was going to tell him when I saw him – I was really heated! Finally, I received a knock on my door. He shows up on my doorstep as if nothing had happened. Needless to say, I was NOT having it. After all, I had blown most of my day waiting around for him. When he realized that he was no longer welcomed, he left. Later that evening he left me a voicemail. He stated “Fat girls get chosen, they do NOT do the choosing”. Those words couldn’t have stabbed me any deeper!! I still cringe thinking about it. How cruel!!! I was more than bruised by those words, but I pulled myself together and moved forward. I must say that payback is something else because after I loss about 100 pounds he called me and I couldn’t remember who he was. Who is this?? You know me from where??? Oh, that’s right! Next……
Okay, back to the present! So, I decided that I would not just settle for being “chosen”. I would participate fully in this process. After all, I’m a grown woman now. I’m 45, 100 pounds lighter, confident with a strong sense of who I am. I’m good. I’m ready. Right? Well, that was all very true. What I did differently this time, however, was to pray for discernment. I asked for guidance – and I asked God to reveal any signs that a person didn’t have my best interest at heart in a crystal clear manner. I didn’t want to be shrouded by my own desires to connect with someone and overlook what they were truly revealing to me.
I met someone whom I really connected with on different levels. I began to invest my energy and time into developing a relationship. Over time, I have learned to treat my energy and time as I would currency. They are valuable to me and I invest them wisely – they are precious resources. Unfortunately, others may not treat your energy and time with the same care or concern. After experiencing a lack of concern for my time and energy that resulted in me burning through my precious resources (time/energy), I decided that I cared more about myself, my time and energy than this person did and decided to turn the page. It wasn’t a big blow-out or argument. It wasn’t over cheating or lying. It simply came down to this fact: we teach others how to treat us. Every day and in every way, we teach others how to treat us and it is displayed by how we treat ourselves.
Another lesson that I learned is not to be angered by what is revealed to you when, after all, you prayed for discernment. Honestly, I was pissed for about 72 hours, but then I realized that it was a blessing. If you are investing time and energy into someone and making them a priority, but they treat you as an option, it’s time turn the page and begin writing your next chapter.
While taking a shower this morning, I was overcome by gratitude. It washed over me all at once. Thank GOD for answering my prayers! He saved me once again!! So metaphorically, the bruise on my “knee” will heal and I will continue to THRIVE! Thank God for RESILIENCY!!