I remember that little girl…


It’s been quite a while since I last wrote an entry.  I decided today was the day to share some of my self reflections.  It’s almost like a poem, but not really.   It’s the only way I could share my story so bare with me…

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When I was a little girl

I had such a small voice that never seemed to be heard
too afraid to yell or tell
because her threats were very persuasive
and the reason why I tried to be evasive
whenever I was in her presence
because she was stealing a child’s innocence
never once did she stop to think
how that would affect me years later
and oh, how I tried not to hate her

And He liked to touch me, too
every chance he got
a massage to my shoulder
a caress to my thigh
as a developing young girl
I never understood why
my body had begun to deceive me
I was still a child, couldn’t they see?
but my body swelled in areas that seemed to attract
hands and fingers from her, him and them and I could not keep them back
But why?!?
what had I done and how could I make them stop?
my mind had yet to catch up to my growing body
often I cried and asked why me

my legs where shapely and athletic, bronzed from playing in the sun
jumping rope, playing kickball or whatever was fun

my hips and breasts were becoming firm and round
resembling that of a grown woman
but, I was only nine, ten and eleven

yet, the seeds had been planted
and each new experience would only fertilize the grounds
that allowed me to question my morality
and for which I had once based my sexuality

However, on this day I confess what I have only disclosed to a few
I will no longer be held in bondage for today I start anew!

Thank you, Lord, I have forgiven them: she and he

I am tortured no longer, finally, I have been set FREE!!!

ilovemyself

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